go lick someone's elbow.

did you know that if someone else licks your **elbow, you can't feel it?

it's true.

thanks to my almost-sister, i know these things. i'll admit, i was skeptical at first. but then she licked my elbow while my eyes were closed, and guess what i felt? nothing. absolutely nothing. except for tears coming out of my eyes because i was laughing so hard, because hello? someone was licking my elbow. and that is just weird.

regardless, it's true. and i thank my almost-sister for providing me with this useful random fact and source of entertainment.

try it if you don't believe me. actually, try it even if you do believe me. because it's funny. and you know you want to.


**note: it must be the very tip of the elbow.

gimp.

meet my best friend. her name is currently gimp. or peg leg. depending on who you talk to.

but this post is not really about her. (although now that i think if it, i should have a post dedicated to her greatness because she is pretty great. i'll get on that soon...). this post is really about the boot on her foot. and what i learned while she was at the doctor's office getting it. scratch that, it wasn't a doctor's office. it was an urgent care.
here's the thing i learned about urgent care, thanks to the bff jacking up her foot:

urgent care waiting rooms have the worst magazine selection of your entire human life.

not even kidding. i mean, they must have a lot of prego people come in because basically all the magazines were about parenthood or being pregnant and what you're supposed to do when you're pregnant. now, don't get me wrong. i have nothing against pregnant people. but probs they should have provided a more diverse reading selection. because when i'm sitting in a waiting room, i would much rather be reading trashy gossip about trashy people (aka those we call celebrities) than reading about pregnant people workouts and what to expect when you're expecting. because i'm not expecting. that's all i'm saying.

top three.

there are three things i currently cannot live without.

1. funfetti cookies.
seriously. obsessed. i have made two batches in a week's time span and eaten nearly all of them by myself. sure i leave them out for the rest of the family to enjoy, but they don't usually get to them fast enough. obesity is in my future if this pattern continues. not okay.

2. bones.
as in the TV show. as in, i watch it and wish i majored in anthropology. which is a ludicrous wish considering i've never taken an anthropology class in my entire life, and if i had, i would probably have hated. but temperance brennan is my new fictional hero. (i guess i shouldn't say "new" because i'm pretty sure i've never had a fictional hero before. but whatevs.) and booth is just plain attractive. together, they make a great show. season 1: complete. season 2: in progress. season 6: greatly anticipating.

3. country music.
old. tim mcgraw and keith urban. new. thompson square. the band perry.

what have i learned from these three things?
i need a social life. for three reasons.

1. i need people to share my cookies with.
2. i need someone to get me away from the computer screen featuring brennan and booth. because having a TV obsession like this is never very healthy.
3. i need someone to jam to my country tunes with. because doing it alone is just not as fun.

okay. that is all.

get well soon.

remember how i'm sick. and NOT overdosing on ibuprofen.
well, the doctor can't figure out what's wrong with me.
to try and help him, he stole the blood out of my arm and did tests on it. i will not even attempt to recount this experience. it was bad. let's just sum it up by saying i had to sit at the doctor's office for an hour after the blood was taken because the nurse didn't think i was capable of driving home without passing out. awesome.

but that's not the point.
the point is, they did the blood work.
and they still don't know what's wrong with me. (so all the trauma i went through was for nothing. so pissed.)
because the blood says i don't have mono, but the doctor thinks i probably do have mono. how does this make sense?

i will tell you what he taught me:
one out of twenty mono tests are wrong.
so i could have mono even though my blood says i don't have mono. accuracy points do not go to the mono test. that's all i'm saying.
so thanks doctor for teaching me that annoying fact. too bad i can't thank you for figuring out what is wrong with me.

get better soon, me.

ibuprofen: the gateway drug.

i have been sick for the last week.
unfortunately, i was FORCED to go to the doctor, which i was highly opposed to because i figured the doctor wouldn't be able to do anything for me.
i was right.
she said, drink lots of water and take ibuprofen to keep the fever down.
wow, you went to 8+ years of school to tell me that? seriously? but whatevs.
i did as directed.
but when my mom opened the ibuprofen bottle and realized it was near empty, she freaked. and took the pills away from me. she was concerned i was going a little overboard with those little orange pills. i assure you, i was not. in fact, i was on the conservative side of the doctor's orders.
plus, coach sawyer taught me that there's a simple way to know if you've had too many ibuprofen. i believe the direct quote was, "you know you've had too much when white foam starts coming out of your mouth with the words ibuprofen written on it."
and that hadn't happened yet. so i knew my mom had nothing to worry about.

so thanks for all you taught me, coach. it was nice to be able to reassure my mother that i was not overdosing. i knew you taught me something...

finding your soulmate.

i love my family.
i do.
extended included.

there is just this teeny tiny problem with some of my relatives.
that problem being, they think my dating life concerns them. now, i am not opposed to set ups. actually, that's kind of a lie. i hate set ups. mostly because all of my blind dates have been painful. like, really painful. so when family members try to interfere and find my soulmate for me, i am not always a huge fan.
now, some of you might be thinking that i am overreacting.
can i just give you a few examples to show that i am not, in fact, overreacting.

example 1. a salesman comes to our door. selling security systems. my dad strikes up a conversation with said salesman. they talk for thirty minutes. my dad thinks this is a great young man--because you can tell that after thirty minutes of talking. so what does he do? oh, he just suggests to the salesman that he come back in two months when i'll be living at home again. then my dad proceeds to stalk this guy on facebook and plan our wedding. by the way, i met this guy three months later. not bad looking...but really, dad? really??

example 2. so i have this aunt. and she has this friend. this friend is my age. and single. so basically, we're meant for each other. except before we were meant for each other, he was meant for my other cousin. only problem is, my other cousin got married. so NOW he is meant for me. and i am meant for him. my picture has been shown to him on previous occasions. and yet, he hasn't called me. my aunt refuses to give up. pretty sure he isn't interested. really, aunt? really??

example 3. another aunt. at work. attractive young man comes in for a job interview. she's the secretary so she starts talking to him. she finds out he went to my high school. in fact, we have known each other since we were in kindergarten. she tells him he should ask me out. um. he's had that option for about 15 years now. if he wanted to, he would. so probably you shouldn't just suggest things like that and make me look desperate. thanks, aunt.

example 4. grandma. i love you grandma. but when you go to a wedding reception and start talking to the DJ, and you find out that he goes to a singles ward (so OBVIOUSLY he's single.), please do not write down my name and tell him that he should find me on facebook. just a thought. i do appreciate your reassurance that he is attractive and that you wouldn't do this unless "you had a good feeling about him," but really, grandma? really??

now, i would just like to reiterate that i LOVE MY FAMILY! and i have learned (from my mother who lectures me about complaining about their interfering ways--thanks, mom) that they are only looking out for me. because they love me. and want the best for me. but i really think i'm okay in this department. i can handle it. and if i can't handle it, i can always defer to the "finding your soulmate" book that my grandpa gave me.

and if you still think i'm overreacting, then judge me. i just needed to vent. that's all. the end.

expect the unexpected.

i feel like there are some lessons i have to keep learning over and over.

one of those lessons being, life doesn't always turn out how you planned.

and yet, i continue to try and plan my life. when will i learn?